How to Deal with Big Changes in Your Life

The one constant in life is change. One might get a new job, have a baby, graduate or move to a different city. Even though changes can be exciting, they also can be stressful. I learned this when I first moved to Nebraska, and a native Nebraskan described the weather: “if you just wait a bit, it will change again.”

My patients frequently ask for coping strategies to deal with the big changes in life. Here are 10 tips for coping with changes that I find useful.

1. Acknowledge that things are changing

Sometimes we get so caught up in fighting change that we put off dealing with it. Denial is a powerful force, and it protects us in many ways. However, stepping outside of it and saying to yourself, "Things are changing, and it is OK" can be less stressful than putting it off. One of my favorite sayings is “accept what you cannot change.”

2. Realize that even good change can cause stress

Sometimes when people go through a positive life change, such as graduating or having a baby, they still feel a great deal of stress or even dread. Even positive change can create stress just like not-so-positive change. Stress is just your body's way of reacting to change. It's okay to feel stressed even when something good has happened. In fact, this type of stress is normal.

3. Keep up your regular schedule as much as possible

The more change that is happening, the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule as much as possible. Having some things that stay the same, like walking the dog every morning at 8 a.m., gives us an anchor. An anchor is a reminder that some things are still the same, and it gives your brain a little bit of rest. Sometimes when you are going through a lot of changes it helps you to write down your routine and check it off as you go.

4. Try to eat as healthily as possible

When change happens, a lot of us tend to reach for carbs such as bread, muffins, cake or sweets. This may be because eating carbs boosts serotonin, a brain chemical that may be somewhat depleted when you undergo stress. It's OK to comfort yourself with foods but only in moderation. Track what you are eating by writing it down. You can do this in a notebook or use an app. When you see what you are eating, it makes you take a step back and think about whether you really want to eat that second muffin. (However, if you have a history of eating disorders, it is not recommended that you write down what you are eating.) In addition, if you notice you are experiencing an increased use of alcohol or other substances, your use can sneak up on you when you are under stress.

5. Exercise

Keeping up with regular exercise could be a part of the "keep up your regular schedule" tip. If exercise is not currently part of your routine, try adding it. Exercising two to three times a week has been found to significantly decrease symptoms of depression. Even just walking around the block can help you feel better. Remember, you don't have to feel like getting some exercise; just get out there and move. You'll find that many times your mood will improve while you are active. (If you don’t regularly exercise, check with your doctor before starting an exercise program.)

6. Seek support

No one gets through life alone. It is OK to ask for help; that's a sign that you know yourself well enough to realize you need some assistance. Think of your trusted friends or family members. Chances are that they are happy to help if you need them to watch your kids while you run some errands, or if you just need some alone time. You can always reach out for professional help as well.

7. Write down the positives that have come from this change

Maybe amid this change in your life you have met new people. Maybe you started practicing healthier habits. Maybe you have learned a new skill. Maybe the change helped you prioritize what is most important in your life. Change presents us with the opportunity to grow, and it's important to acknowledge how things have become better as a result.

8. Get proactive

Being proactive means taking charge and figuring out steps you may need to take before something happens. Being reactive means you wait until something has happened and then you take action. For example, being proactive means you make an appointment with your doctor for a physical because you know something stressful is coming up and you want to make sure you are in good health.

9. Vent, but to a point

Having a support group to whom you can vent can be helpful — to a point. If you and your support group are solely venting, that feeling of frustration can be contagious. Try gearing the conversation toward action: What can you do to make things better? When people brainstorm together, their creativity and hopefulness can be contagious, too.

10. Back away from social media

When you go through change, you may gravitate toward social media such as posting to your friends on Facebook or Instagram about what is going on in your life. If you are comparing your life to your friends' lives on social media, remember that most people post only the "highlight reel" of their lives, not the stressful moments. This can give you a lopsided view that everyone else's lives are going just fine. Step away from social media if you are starting to compare your life to others’. And if you must post, make sure you are in a calm state and remember that what you write on social media never really disappears.

Finally, give yourself a break. In a time of change, you may feel a little out of control. You may feel like you are not living up to your own expectations. Remember that you are allowed to do less than what is humanly possible. Nothing says you must function at 100 percent all the time. People make mistakes, it's one of the great things about being human. It's learning from the mistakes that really count. Think about it like this: There are no mistakes, only good stories for later. Make a point to incorporate more laughter, joy and fun into your life.

If you would like to explore talking to a therapist about symptoms you are having, please reach out to Bryan Counseling Center at 402-481-5991. You also can take a free mental health screening on our website at bryanhealth.org/mental-health.